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Meghan Markle & Prince Harry: Adjustment and Family Dynamics.

By January 9, 2023February 16th, 2023No Comments

So, I finally watched the Harry & Meghan documentary with our Princess # 1, and I have so many thoughts and questions….

The first thing that struck me was how Meghan was used to “passing” in the U.S. She talked about not ever hearing the word “nigger” until she was a big girl driving with her mom one day, and someone called her mother “nigger.” I thought, she was either very protected/shielded or she just passed so well for a white person that she never had to deal with the hatred that other blacks (including her mother) had to deal with, even 30 plus years ago.

I also noticed that all of her childhood friends are white so maybe she was mostly involved with people who looked like her father and not her mother, and since she is white passing she never had to deal with racism from them? She did live with her father until I believe her mother said 3 years old. She also went to a predominantly white school for her primary education, where she looked like the majority.

I remember watching interviews with her before she met Harry where she talked about having the options of so many roles because she was biracial, though also not being able to play roles where she would be represented as Hispanic, etc. One of her people who helped booked movie roles for her talked about her not getting roles because she didn’t fit the black narrative. She herself talked about producers on the television series Suits wanting her to keep her hair straight, etc.

Whatever the case, she spoke as if she had never endured any real racial discrimination (except that incident towards her mom) until she got to London. It was shared in the documentary that Meghan’s mother had to educate her that what she was experiencing in London was racism.

So, I’m venturing to say that a big part of Meghan’s frightening experience in Britain came from probably being shocked and disappointed that she couldn’t simply “pass” and be treated as a person, instead she was treated as a person of color. I feel like she was hopeful that she would pass as she always did in the U.S, and that would have been one less thing to worry about. It must have been a rude awakening not to pass so easily! We sometimes don’t realize the privilege that we have in a country/culture that is very unfair, until we must come face to face with the unfairness. I can only imagine what a shock this was to Meghan’s system!

The second thing that got my attention was her mental health struggle. I feel like we need more information on that. I remember watching an interview with Harry & William talking about getting help to cope with the loss of their mother. I am left wondering…even if “the institution” refused to help Meghan, could Harry have put her in touch with his personal therapist? I’m wondering if he never thought about it, or if she was afraid to push him to get her help, against the resistance of the institution? Or maybe if the institution said “no” Harry couldn’t go against them? I also wonder if the royals and “the institution” were not concerned about a law suit (or are they immune to lawsuits?) if Meghan’s mental health condition got worse?

The way her mental health issue was handled by the institution just seems so irresponsible to me. I truly hope that she has gotten the help since. I saw them doing yoga and I believe hypnosis in the documentary. I hope that she is on medication if that is what she needs/needed. Mental health is so important. It should never be taken for granted.

I also wondered what kinds of questions Meghan asked Harry when they started getting serious. She appeared very naive regarding the Royal Family and all its formalities. It’s a huge deal to marry anyone from an influential family! There is always a lot to consider Regarding how the family governs themselves. What things are nonnegotiable, etc. One would think that there would be tons of questions and a demand for some real answers from the partner, especially when an engagement is taking place and now marriage is almost certain. You just want to avoid being a distraction. It’s kind of like First Lady Michelle Obama talking about not braiding her hair as First Lady to save her husband from having to discuss her hair instead of the serious political issues facing the United States. I think they were so in love(limerence stage) and took so much for granted, probably hoping that she would be taught along the way.

My daughter educated me that something as simple as a curtsy that children must learn in Liberia when they recite poems etc, are not required in primary schools here in the United States, so I gave Meghan the benefit of the doubt. I just wonder if the question “What does it entail to be married into your family/the Royal Family” was ever asked? Or was she simply too excited to ask the very important questions? Most of us have fallen victim to that kind of excitement when head over heels in love! Let’s admit it😉.

Whoo! There’s a lot. But those are a few of the things that caught my attention. I must say overall that I have sympathy for all sides in this story.

I remember when I was so excited to hear the news about the British Prince falling in love (I LOVE love!) with the Biracial American girl! I was at a friend’s house and her husband who was in his late 50s at the time said to me “Goumah, I hope she understands that she is marrying into a family with deeply rooted traditions and rules and she must not think that she can change that system.” The optimistic me replied “They will make it work; she seems intelligent enough to navigate the system.”

It appears that it wasn’t as easy for Meghan, neither was it easy for the Royal Family. It’s very clear that The Institution runs the family. The late Queen, then Prince Charles, and Prince Williams all had more to lose than Harry as relates to legacy and the monarchy. Harry actually has little to no chance of ever becoming king because there is William and then William’s children. At this point the royals must do everything to protect themselves and their future. They have already mastered the art of surrendering to the paparazzi. They carry on with their “duties.” They are not trying to rock the boat, and who can blame them. What other career options do they currently have?

So the truth is that it is probably best for Harry to build a life for himself outside of the Royals. Maybe this (the power of The Institution) is something that was overlooked by Meghan as well. In my culture there’s a saying that goes “You don’t bite the hands that feed you.” I truly feel for the royals, and Harry & Meghan. If all the reporting about how close the Queen was to Harry is true, I can only imagine the pain she felt at her age, losing her grandson and his new family to a whole different country. I also feel for Meghan, because it appears that she did everything in her power to please them, even in her lack of understanding. The challenge is that she was working to please the family, but the family has zero power, and The Institution appears to be cold blooded. So sad all around!

Then there’s Meghan’s father who understands Hollywood, celebrity, and the acting/performance industry and does nothing to help his daughter except jeopardize her and the entire Royal Family. This was just some ugly, and unwise stuff! I must give credit to then Prince Charles for so graciously walking Meghan down the aisle. It appears based on their reporting that the Queen was doing everything in her power to make Meghan comfortable too. Everyone was adjusting…simply adjusting! Where’s the Adjustment Disorder Diagnosis?

Now, let’s talk mental health again. Trauma. Trauma. Trauma. You see it play out here. I said to my daughter that I completely understand why Harry would take such a hard stance against his family and leave them behind for an unknown world. Anything to feel safe! He is still grieving his beloved mother, and his trauma brain would not allow him to stay in what it perceives as a dangerous situation. I think the choice was easier for him to make because he was afraid of his wife ending up like his mother.

I think he did the right thing for himself and for his wife. I truly think the move was for the both of them, not just for her! I don’t think the royal family was trying to harm Harry & Meghan. I think they are all victims of The Institution. That’s the real culprit…The Institution. The ones who told Queen Elizabeth that she was too booked to see her grandson when she had told him that she was free all week and he could come over for tea and spend the night. That’s the real dragon….The Institution.

At the end of the day, I think that the documentary was well done. It focused on The Institution and the media as the culprits. Meghan was classy in not personally attacking or trying to destroy the Royal Family, or even her own father. Harry was very clear in his communication, yet very respectful. They told their side of the story and showed their undying love for each other.

I wish them well. Hopefully Harry and his family(especially his brother) can come together sooner than later. I’m glad that Meghan was able to reconcile with her niece. I wish the same for Harry and his only sibling.

Harry & Meghan have a beautiful love story that is not unlike many who struggle with jealousy and insecurities from some in-laws who lack confidence in themselves. The danger in their story is the focus on race. I hope that subsides soon. I hope the threats to Meghan end, and I hope that their love continues to WIN!

And those babies are JUST TOO CUTE! Maybe they’ll have more!!!!🥰🥰🥰